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Being a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, largely enjoyable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a committed partnership which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I start seeing a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with other men once more.

Reflecting on the Possibility of Monogamy

Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to maintain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that numerous gay men engage in open relationships, but from my observations, they appear demanding, often resulting in significant heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire another man to love me while letting me pursue other intimacies, however I fear the psychological toll this might create. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship is not possible? I’m feeling a bit lost.

Each individual's sexual journey varies. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your capacity to handle various forms of sexual unions as fixed. Your needs as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; at a certain time you might become more decisive and find greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. At some point you might meet a person offering a transformative opportunity for you by reflecting what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that casual connections are best for you. Worrying about what lies ahead and playing endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and a waste of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and see the worth of each person you connect with intimately a sexual connection. When and if you are ever ready to deepen true intimacy with a single person, it will be clear.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a American therapy professional who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.